The Fish God of Filey

Reports have it that strange forces are at work in Filey. In case the Fish God of Filey decides to holiday in your town, Steve Brown gives us some sound tips for talking to the Fish God...

The basic and fundemental rule is that when you talk to the fish god , you ask that you catch fish, whilst those around you suffer unbelievably bad luck and either catch nothing or suffer terribly.

There are hundreds of stories we can relate to from our fishing trips over the years, they all involve:

-The Fish God-

The fish God that I referred to was first discovered in the late seventies in West Yorkshire, since then its followers have spread the Gospel to the East Coast.

There are many ways of communicating with the Fish God , the first and most obvious is in the form of silent prayer e.g.

"Dear fish god - please dont let Sam catch a fish" ( Sam can be substituted by the name of whoever you are fishing with )

or...

"Dear fish god - make sure I catch more than my mates" ( usually just say Sam -the rest can catch no problem)

The chanting method involves going into a trance whilst watching a float and was pioneered in Harold Park, Bradford , e.g. - "Dear fish god - make Mickey White fall in".

Does talking to the fish god work - Yes , whilst chanting a mantra at Nostel Priory, Mickey White did fall in, and having taken his shoes and socks off he sat there like Jed Clampitt for three hours.

Also - if proof were needed, last week big Dave failed to catch at Filey, whilst the other three of us caught.

The only person who has ever had a reply from the fish god verbally is Mickey White - Mickey always was different!

The only remaining disciples in West Yorkshire are Derek Milner (expert angler and high priest to the fish god ), Sam Sharp ( victim of prayers and chants on numerous occassions ) and Murph ( who fell victim to a special mantra whilst sea fishing from Bridlington - he had a curry the night before, to say he died and didn't go to heaven is an understatement - nice one fish god ).

The rest of the disciples reside near Filey, my prayers are regularly answered.

The fish god has travelled on many sea fishing trips around the UK & Ireland, the fish god travels well!

I hope this gives you an idea of how I rely on the fish god to bring justice to the needy - I need to catch more than Sam or David.

I would recommend to any angler in his hour of need the comfort and reassurance that the fish god gives - just look skyward, utter the simple phrase, "Dear fish god"... and then ask and you shall receive.